Can we talk about sex for a few minutes? I promise you, it's vitally important.
Although many of us have a lot of shame and resistance to the subject of sex and sexual desire, sexual desire is a powerful barometer of our aliveness and essential life force energy.
Think about it. You owe your very existence as a human being to sexual desire. I'm also convinced that we are sexual beings even beyond our biology. This is true no matter if you are single, or married / in a committed partnership.
Although the worlds of sexuality and spirituality have often been separated from one another, they are two sides of the same coin.
Both spirituality and sexuality seek to take us beyond the limitations of the physical dimension and into the nature of pure unitive consciousness. While there is much more that I could say about this, that would be another article entirely.
In today's article, I want to talk about how our sexual desire mirrors our nervous system and also what the major purpose of sex is in our everyday life.
Fight
When we experience stress in our lives, our sympathetic survival based nervous system gets activated. As a result, our vital energetic resources gets diverted in one of two predominant ways...fight or flight.
So, what does fight or flight have to do with our sexual appetite? Quite a lot actually.
When we experience stress or trauma generally, the nervous system that shifts into a fight mode will seek to acquire and secure a sense of safety & comfort, freedom, significance, or connection in a direct, external, and sometimes even a coercive way.
Likewise, when we experience our sexual appetite from a dis-regulated fightstandpoint, we may experience a strong desire to engage sexually in an attempt to feel safe and comforted, a need to feel free, significant, or even to satiate a sense of deep loneliness and a lack of connection.
The energy of this kind of a sexual appetite is one of external consumption and extraction from the other in order to satiate a void or chasm of being.
This kind of sexual experience actually leads us to a depletion of vital life force energy and into a further destabilization of our state of being.
Although sexual thirst and desire in this dis-regulated state of being expands, it often becomes unquenchable leading to further compulsiveness and addiction.
Flight
On the flip side of things, when our nervous system is experiencing prolonged states of stress, we can also shift into a flight nervous system state of being.
This often looks like becoming checked out and withdrawn from others, profoundly distracted with tasks and work, and emotionally numb.
From this dis-regulated state of being, our sexual appetite often shuts down and feels non-existent.
Engaging sexually from this standpoint feels performative, resistive, and sometimes even repulsive. Desire and physical sexual pleasure can also seem out of reach in this state of being.
It is only when our nervous system becomes regulated that our vital life force energy can flow leading to healthy sexual vitality & appetite, pleasure, and non repressed sexual expression.
Communication
In healthy sexual desire and expression, the point of sex is open communication. True vulnerable communication can feel deeply satisfying.
Did you know that the basis of communication is summed up in the word commune?
To sexually commune with your significant other is essentially to share the essence of your life in the container of your romantic relationship. The physical, however, is only a metaphor of a deeper reality.
In most long term romantic relationships and marriages, sex often becomes hollow.
In most long term sexual relationships, one person is reduced to simply be a tool for the other to masturbate, and vice versa.
(Yes, this should feel degrading to you).
Very little communing (communication) happens in most sexual experiences.
Again, communication in general is more than just talking at one another. It’s beholding one another and extending full presence together.
In order for the masculine and feminine to commune (communicate) in a romantic / sexual relationship with one another, the masculine and feminine must be in communion together within yourself.
Sex is a powerful metaphor of this inner energetic union.
We all, (regardless of our body gender), are made up of masculine and feminine energetic essence.
This is the nature of the source (divine).
If a ‘commune’ (communication) isn’t happening within your own being, how can you expect it to happen externally with your significant other?
Whenever we get the order of operations backward (seeking external sexual communion before internal sexual communion), the sexual experience becomes an extension of relational distance and breakdown, and sometimes even trauma.
First, let us learn how to develop a life of inner commune (communication), then we can cultivate the garden of a healthy sexual relationship in our romantic partnerships.
Jamal Jivanjee
Certified Mastery Method Coach, Author
Free To Love Coaching Solutions LLC