Dear friends,

How are you holding up?

I know the national events of this past week have affected many of us here in the United States. The senseless violence has exposed the cracks in the foundation of our social fabric. As I have been processing the events of this past week, there is something important that I would like to contribute to our national conversation regardless of your political ideology or belief system.

As you may know, political activist, author, and media personality Charlie Kirk was murdered last week during a collegiate debate he was conducting on a college campus in Utah. His tragic and violent assassination was shocking and jolting to many people in our nation right around the time of the anniversary of the 9/11 attacks that also scarred the psyche of our society in an eerily similar way.

Mr. Kirk was known for conducting lively debates around the nation on college campuses called 'Prove Me Wrong' debates where he would invite people of opposing social, religious, and political viewpoints to debate him live in front of thousands of onlookers. Charlie Kirk was a skilled linguistic debater who used words and logic as tools to confound many who tried to 'prove him wrong'.

In the days that have followed Mr. Kirk's tragic murder, I have observed many folks talk about how important Mr. Kirk's work was as someone who was working to foster “dialogue” among those with opposing viewpoints.

In these conversations, I have noticed that the words 'debate' and 'dialogue' have been used interchangeably as if there is no distinction between the two words.

Debate and dialogue could not be more different, however. The implications of the two terms are quite significant.

In today's article, I want to highlight the three main objectives of debate, and also the the three main objectives of dialogue, so that we can understand just how vastly different they are.

Objectives of Debate:

Debate Objective 1: To Convince You And Others of My Rightness & Your Wrongness

In this objective of debate, the sparring session has an objective to convince you and the listeners of how correct I am as a debater, and how incorrect you are as the opponent.

The goal is to prove the opponent wrong so that the opponent may change their belief system. A debate is perceived to have a winner and a loser. Again, the objective of the debate is to prove me wrong, or I will prove you wrong.

Objective 2: To Convince You And Others of My Intelligence & Your Ignorance

In this objective of debate, the goal is to expose my opponent's logical fallacies and ignorance of the subject being discussed. In this exposure, there is a goal to humiliate the opponent so that their argument isn't taken seriously.

Objective 3: To Convince You And Others of My Goodness & Your Evilness

In most debates, this is the ultimate aim. An argument is made to galvanize the listeners into a movement that sees the world through the lens of 'good' vs 'evil'. As the debater, I am arguing for myself and my beliefs as being good, and my opponent's beliefs as being destructive and wrong.

In all three of these objectives of debate, the debater is already certain of their belief system's correctness, and of the opponent's belief system’s incorrectness.

In the mind of the debater, there is already perceived certainty from the start of the debate, not curiosity. The energy of debate is one of resistance and coercion, which all too often becomes contentious.

Objectives of Dialogue:

The first objective of dialogue is to listen to the perspective of the other without critique or rebuttal, and also to share your own perspective with the other as well.

In this objective of dialogue, each participant has a goal of ensuring that all parties are heard, correctly understood, and respected despite disagreement.

The second objective of dialogue is curiosity.

When true dialogue is occurring, each participant of the dialogue is genuinely curious of the beliefs and perspectives of the other. In a healthy dialogue, questions are asked to cultivate the dialogue in order to better understand how each person came to their viewpoint and why they feel or believe the way that they do.

Again, the main goal isn't to critique or evaluate the belief or perspective for the purpose of agreement or disagreement at this point in the discussion, but primarily to understand the other perspective.

The third objective of dialogue is to see where there is alignment of values.

While significant disagreement of beliefs and perspectives can occur in a dialogue, in a healthy dialogue there is an assumption that my 'opponent' is actually motivated by the same core values in which I too am also motivated.

In a dialogue, we may disagree on how to achieve those shared values, but we are always aware that we both actually care about the same core values. This is extremely important to keep in perspective.

When a dialogue devolves into debate, however, this perspective is often the first to be lost. This is when demonization of the other often occurs in which they are labeled as 'dangerous & evil', etc...

In my observation, debate is verbal warfare and combat. The energy is to dominate and subdue the other into agreement. In debate, almost no-one ever changes their perspective, rather each side become more entrenched and galvanized than before.

Debate all too often perpetuates the “us vs them” or “believer vs unbeliever” dynamic, but healthy dialogue seeks to minimize this illusory and destructive perception.

Those who cultivate healthy dialogue have an understanding that there is always more that unites us than divides us, but those who engage in endless debate often only see through the illusion of separation.

So, here is the million dollar question of the day… Do we need more skilled “debaters” in our society, or do we need those who have learned and mastered the ancient art of dialogue?

I’ll let you decide. What role will you play?

Jamal Jivanjee
Certified Mastery Method Coach, Author
Free To Love Coaching Solutions LLC

P.S. If you are interested in finding out more information about my coaching program where this and other realities can be addressed further, visit my site here for more information: https://www.jamaljivanjee.com/life-coaching